If you have ever seen action movies, I’m certain you’ve come across at least one or a few clichéd fight scenes. I don’t know about you, but it’s gotten way past the point to where I’m sick of them. They have become like a constant nightmare that haunts me every time I watch a new movie/TV show or read a book. I’m always afraid I’m going to end up disappointed, which I usually am.
To vent my frustrations, I’m breaking down my top 10 fight scene pet peeves. So you know, maybe…just maybe you’ll consider not putting them in your book.
1. The untrained hero who can kick everyone’s ass
How? How is this hero able to defeat better fighters when they have had little to no training? It doesn’t make sense. People spend years training to become skilled fighters and you’re telling me you can just waltz in here, pick up a sword, and beat the shit out of anyone. You’ve got to give me your secrets. No really. Maybe everyone should be learning from this guy.
2. The warrior who can multitask like no other
Come one! Come all to see One Man vs Many!
Oooo! Doesn’t this look so cool….and fucking unrealistic!
I don’t care how skilled a warrior is. If they are up against many they’re going to get their ass kicked. Let’s just say this warrior is more skilled than these fighters and maybe has some magic. Okay, maybe then he can beat all of his opponents but there is no way, and I mean no way he’s going to do it without getting hit. He’s going to have to turn his back sometime and when he does…BAM! Knife right in the back.
3. The hero with unlimited stamina
Shit! This guy is on steroids or something. They take out tons of enemies and somehow, someway they are ready for more-—like the fucking energizer bunny!
Slap in my batteries because I’m ready to conquer the world!
I mean they don’t even break a sweat. Here I sometimes can barely make it through the day without tiring. And I’m not doing anything miraculous. I wish I had that kind of energy all the time. I could get so much done.
4. A Spawn of wolverine
Got a huge hole in your abdomen? That shouldn’t be a problem with your super fast healing. You’ll be ready to fight again in no time!
Really now? *Raises eyebrows*
The body does not heal that quickly. It can take months to recover from deep wounds. You will suffer shock, pain, and be prone to infections. There is no way in hell you will jump up out of bed and be able to walk like it was yesterday. Unless of course you’re wolverine, in which case go right ahead.
5. Pointless fight scenes
Did you see that awesome fight scene? It blew my mind!
Yes…and that was the ONLY reason it was there.
If a fight is solely there to keep the audience invested, more than likely, the story has some problems. Instead of tossing in a fight scene fix it! I don’t give a shit how cool it is. If it doesn’t add to the plot, it’s a waste of time. I would rather get back to the story, that is if the story is any good. And if it isn’t…well, you lost me whether the fight scenes are good or not.
6. What are Weapons?
Damn he got away! *Looks at hand* What’s this? I HAD A GUN! I knew I forgot something.
Gee really? Ya think?
Why do characters hold a gun if they aren’t going to use it?
This gun here, You see it. *Shakes gun* Yeah! It’s just for show. Makes me look badass.
Do you think people in real life say, Hey I’ve got a gun and I really want to kill this person but you know what? I’ll just chase them instead. It’s like they have no concept of how to use one. Instead they chase their opponent to add suspense, when really there isn’t any suspense because the outcome is always the same.
I find this also happens when characters have abilities. It’s like they completely forgot they had them.
7. Spray and Pray
Yah better pray because you can’t aim for shit!
You can’t blame the gun. Bullets don’t curve around people.
If these characters have guns shouldn’t they know how to use them? Whenever I see a movie or TV show the characters shoot round after round and they always miss. A lot of times they’re directly in front of them. How? As much as they shoot they’re bound to hit someone. At this rate they’d be better off beating their opponent with a shoe. They’ll do more damage. Wait…I mean they’ll actually do damage.
8. The biased antagonist
Mwhaha! I’m a merciless and unstoppable god ready to smite anyone who stands in my way, except…the protagonist, of course.
What did you expect? It’s the only way to create suspense.
If your antagonist is extremely powerful then you’ve got a problem. It looks bad when your antagonist decides not to kill the protagonist when they could have with little to no effort. That’s why you avoid making a character like the fucking terminator.
9. Saved at the last second
This happens all too often in media. The good character is about to die and along comes their buddy or the “unsuspected” character to save them. Supernatural is one of the shows notorious for this. And every single time it’s so damn obvious! Can you make it not obvious by not having them be saved. Or you know maybe just stop! You’re not fooling anyone.
10. Allow me to ramble BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
This. Is. One. Of—the worst fucking things you could do in a story! And it’s done so many damn times. I’ve even seen a movie joke about this. It makes me cringe. I literally want to throw the book. Why? Just why would you do this?
Antagonist here: You know I’m about to kill you but…first let me explain my whole big scheme while I’m none the wiser to you escaping from those bindings. Then you can kill me or maybe your friends come and kill me. Because that’s exactly what I want.
Throughout the story these bad guys seem like they’re threatening and cunning, but when it comes to the end—they are fucking MORONS!
Nobody, and I mean no one in real life would let anyone get away or wait long enough until the opponent’s buddies come and save their ass. Who the fuck cares if the protagonist knows the “big scheme” the antagonist did to get them here. I know the bad guy sure as hell doesn’t. He wants them dead. And If a bad guy wants someone dead, he will kill them no question. The only reason he’s not killing the good is because the good guy isn’t going to die. It’s so obvious. Stop! Stop half-assing these scenes and come up with a better way to show the big reveal so this doesn’t have to happen.